


Small Talks

by chrissy2



Series: Small Fires [2]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, Queen (Band)
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-03-17 02:10:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18955792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrissy2/pseuds/chrissy2
Summary: Brian has not talked to Joe much, not as much as Gwil or Rami, but the elderly musician recognizes that Joe is far from himself at a Borhap party. He reaches out and Joe slowly confides in him with a secret. Brian responds by sharing a secret of his own.





	Small Talks

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing and get no money. I mean no disrespect towards the real-life actors or musicians.
> 
> This story is a bit rushed, but I had to get it out of my system. Maybe I'll come back to it and add more.

Brian never really developed a close bond with Joe, not like he did with Gwil or Rami. And to be fair, he really tried. Every time he tried starting a conversation with the American, he would get visibly nervous and flustered (which is funny considering he was a good actor, almost as good as Gwil), and find some reason to excuse himself. It definitely amused Brian to a certain level, but he wished he would not do that. He wished that Joe would have just seen him as he was: just a regular guy. A regular guy that made a regular guitar, and occasionally enjoyed making music as a young lad and was exceptionally lucky to be a part of a successful band.

The elderly musician understood that Joe's career started in his youth, and as far as they all knew, did not have a meltdown upon losing the spotlight. No drugs. No sex scandal. And the reason the angst of adulthood seemingly did not effect Joe might have been because on the inside, he never really grew up. He was small, and now he was big. The American was naive, silly, light-hearted, and idealistic. Brian knew just how positively charming he was from keeping up with Gwil's social media, which frequently included his co-stars and their shenanigans. Sometimes he had to put his phone down because the shenanigans made him sentimental, made him think of four young men doing the same things years and years ago...

He really wished Joe wouldn't get so flustered. Rog always made fun of his naturally-glaring, stern eyes, but he didn't look that intimidating, did he? Really, his high, timid voice should have shown them all what a gentle soul he really was. Gwil had gotten over his nervousness around Brian, though his level of nervousness was nowhere near that of Joe's. He clearly recalled an interview with Joe (Ben at his side), where the American said: "When the real Brian May showed up on set for the very first time, we were all absolutely terrified to go see him. He was downstairs and we remained upstairs the whole time, and we came up with all these excuses to not go downstairs."

Yeah. By "we", Joe actually just meant him.

Even when the American learned to settle with being in the same room as him and Rog (Ben Hardy showing the same level of idealism and nervousness around the drummer), it was probably because his co-stars were with him. Gwil was just as amused by the fluster, if not more. Whenever Joe misbehaved, the Welshman would simply say, "I'm telling Brian," or, "I'm telling Brian and Roger," and the excitable, larger-than-life Joe would grow small and beg him not to.

Oh, Gwil. The teases sometimes also made him sentimental. Made him think of him teasing Roger over the years.

Brian was not really one for parties. Even when he was younger, he really only tagged along so his friends would stop pestering him to be sociable. And booze. Booze was always nice, and always probably better than drinking alone. Nowadays, he mostly kept to himself. Him and Anita and his animals. Roger just a call or message away. Same with John and his kids.

In despite, he could never turn down an invitation from Gwil. It was always a pleasure to talk to him and see him. With the film long done, they hardly got to talk anymore. (The guitarist had teased journalists about the possibility of a sequel. But come on. Why would anyone want to see that. The only good thing that would come out of making a film about the worst years of his and Roger's and John's lives - would be seeing the actors again.) Besides, it was a small house in the countryside, with only the Borhap staff. Shouldn't be too overwhelming, and since it's only a few-minute drive, he doesn't plan to stick around all that much, anyway. 

It was everything Brian hoped it would be. Gwil's little place in the countryside is small and quaint. And being the insightful man and good friend that he is, Gwil made it so it was only a small crowd. A respectful crowd, a gathering that would not overwhelm Brian.

When the musician arrives, he gives a line of hugs and kisses to Gwil and Ben and Rami and Lucy and the rest of the small, respectful crowd. It isn't until halfway through the introductions and small talk that the doctor starts to realize that something isn't as it should be. Something was off. Something was missing.

Halfway through his glass of wine, the older man nearly forgets about the nagging feeling until he sees a shadow out the kitchen window. The crowd had settled into the living room. Brian scanned the room. Of course. 

Everyone was there, except for Joe. This was very unusual, as the American was very sociable. Brian stood up from where he sat on Gwil's couch, excusing himself to get more wine. He heads for the kitchen and slowly makes his way to the side kitchen door, which led to a balcony. There, he found Joe, sitting out there, alone with his own glass of wine.

"Good evening, Joe," Brian started, nodding and trying to put on his best smile.

"Hello, Mi - Dr. May."

"Oh, come on, Joe. No need to be so formal. You should know this by now."

Joe just nods. Normally, it was only a matter of time before the American would shy away. But right now, even though some nervousness was present in his eyes, he wasn't so flustered or scared that he needed to get away. 

Brian sits by the American on the bench. "You feeling alright, Joe? Normally, you're the life of the party."

It's true. Brian has seen a video of Joe singing kareoke completely shitfaced, very loudly, and wearing a Winne The Pooh onesie. And countless videos of him just screaming. And if he remembered right, Joe made a short film centered around him being lactose intolerant. 

"I've just been tired."

Tiredness just didn't seem to faze someone as hyper as Joe. "Is there something else bothering you?"

Joe's quiet again. When Joe is himself, he is the opposite of Brian in nearly every way. But he understands melancholy. He's been plagued by it his whole life. Even though he's the happiest he has ever been, he still falls into a state of depression when an animal under his care dies, or when he thinks about how he hurt Chrissie, how he hurt his kids, and Roger.

"I understand that you just lost your father. I'm so sorry." As soon as he said it, he regret it.

The instant broken look in Joe's eyes were enough to effect the both of them. "Yeah." He huffed, then started crying fast tears.

"I know it helps to talk about it. Normally, you talk a lot." Brian hopes he did not offend him, and he was growing more and more concerned that he did - when Joe laughs through the tears.

"You only have one dad, you know. He was my best friend."

Brian would not say that his own father was his best friend, but he knew all about losing best friends. Seeing Joe fall apart before his eyes so quickly, Brian's brain scrambled for ways in which to help Joe, to comfort him. Maybe it was the warmth and looseness the wine brought on. Normally, the guitarist was very thoughtful and took his time weighing out decisions, but he couldn't stand to see the American so upset. He lifts his arms up and wraps them around Joe, gently pulling Joe into hug.

And maybe it was the wine in Joe's own blood that quickly warmed him up to the cuddle, dipping his face into the crook of Brian's neck. "It's not just that."

"Oh?"

"There's..."

"You can tell me. I'm old. Who could I tell. I assure you that your secret is safe with me."

"I...I feel a little lonely. Rami has Lucy, and Ben has..."

"Yes?"

"Ben has Gwil."

His eyebrows rose. Okay. What. This definitely surprised Brian.

"Really?" He first thought was that the American had to be joking, as he kidded around all the time. But in order to show how serious he was, Joe lifted his head to look at the doctor, and he had the most unmoved look - outside of acting - Brian had ever seen.

Joe nods, blushing, and lays his head back down on Brian's shoulder. The guitarist is not really sure if he still needs a comforting shoulder or just a place to hide.

"Did they tell you?" The guitarist just now processes how his long, slender fingers are running through the ginger hairs of the man in his embrace. He couldn't recall when he started doing that.

"No. I found them."

"When you say 'found them'..."

"Yeah. Kissing. Hands on the waists, their faces..."

"Do you not like them being together?"

"Of course not! I'm happy for them."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I...they didn't tell me. And I haven't told them about me finding out."

"You feel like...?"

"I don't know what to feel. Do they feel like they shouldn't trust me? I just - I thought we were all open about everything."

"Did you have feelings for one of them?"

Joe becomes as red as his hair, and Brian laughs. "Joe, that's - I'm sorry. That's just so funny."

"Funny?"

"Well, you see...I have a secret of my own. And I have not told anyone except for my wife. So I have to have your word."

For once, Brian was glad to see that flash of nervousness show up in Joe's eyes again. "Yes, sir. Absolutely, sir."

Joe is now looking at him with such interest that Brian wonders for a second if he should reconsider telling the American. So many things could go wrong if Joe were to let this slip out. But then Brian thought, 'Fuck it all'. He was tired of being afraid. He was old. And times were different now. He was just going to have to believe in Joe, trust him the way the actors trusted him and Rog and John. "Well...Roger and I have had little trysts over the years."

"Since when?"

"Before Queen."

"Do you still...?"

"In a way. We still hug and kiss, but that's it. He won't let me see him anymore." He wondered if Joe caught on to what 'see him anymore' actually meant. "We have to message often, otherwise we get sad. He's apart of me as much as Anita is. She is so good to me. To put up with that."

"Wow. That...that is really funny. And sweet."

"Who do you love?" When Joe's eyes start to waver about, Brian's own eyes nearly pop out of his head with how wide they get. "No way. You love both of them."

"Please."

"I'm sorry," the doctor laughs. This was too much. "Just it's almost like I'm going back in time, like I'm feeling the excitement of young love again. You shouldn't let it get to you. Perhaps I could talk to Gwil?"

"No! No, please. I'll...I'll come to terms with it, somehow."

Brian kisses Joe's forehead in an attempt to sooth him. It must be the wine again. Or maybe the doctor is slowly just not giving a shit anymore. Maybe he was trying to help out another person in need.

Before the American can say anything else, Brian's phone chimes. It's both Anita and Roger. And with that, the doctor gave Joe's shoulder a squeeze and stood up, stumbling back to the door. "I should leave soon. If you ever need to talk some more, you know I'm just a message or a call away."

For a moment or so, Joe does not respond. Then there is a feeble, "Thank you, Brian."

With that, the older man nodded and headed back inside.


End file.
